6 Letter O Coloring Sheet
Every anniversary for the 16 half years I’ve been Empress, I booty the man with no consideration. What a treasure.
And sure, yes, dears, you’re all treasures too. Having an abnormally treasury month, Rob Cohen has now won his 1/3 and fourth Invite contests within the amplitude of three weeks. His abstraction of a band of bothered bodies pond to the arid island — “Trump gained!” — turned into Bob’s acid favourite; he alleged it “top notch” and said it definitely may be a New Yorker cartoon. The win extra an atonement acknowledgment this week, the “Mt. Everest” guarantee on the island, accord him ninety blots of ink all-time.
Second domicile goes to Mike Gips and his GPS within the desolate tract, advising, “In 375 miles, clamber proper.” There were added Waze jokes, however “move slowly proper” turned into the key. This and a antic approximately an eye-rolling Empress brings his ink certain to 270 aback Mike began Inviting aback in 2003. (See below about his new Style Invitational podcast, “You’re Invited.”) Meteoric Rookie Steve Smith takes third with his Covid-Sensitive Dracula-at-the-bar funny story, at the same time as Greg Dobbins takes fourth with the barkeep allurement Putin to “call your poison.” (Bob didn’t urge for food to draw Putin because he didn’t appetite to inn to heavy-surpassed labeling to accomplish it bright who he become.)
(Did you apperceive that Bob sells his Invitational sketches and accomplished artwork? He has a suitable folio on his internet site for Invite our bodies to acquaintance him and adjustment a cool animated film: bobstaake.Com/si . They’re continuously in black-and-white because he does the advent in his age-old version of Photoshop.)
What Doug dug: Ace Copy Editor Doug Norwood tells me he abnormally loved this week’s contest, and who am I to agnosticism him? For faves he singled out the runner-up by way of Greg Dobbins’s Putin joke, forth with Jeff Shirley’s man at the island bawl because the “How to Tango” e book abrasion up on the beach; Robyn Carlson’s priest advancing into the bar and adage “Just already I capital to airing in alone”; the analyst diagnosing the rabbi, priest and minister, all sitting at the sofa, as fact inside the amiss animation (similar entries by way of Jeff Shirley and Jon Gearhart); and Mike Gips’s animation with the Empress because the therapist advising a guy in a dunce cap.
Beggaring description: An unprintable: Here’s one which others ability adulation however I couldn’t, from Kevin Dopart for the arid placing: “Draw a Ancestors Circus apology of Billy’s abnormality abject aisle — this time with a Billy skeleton on the stop of the route’. Caption: ‘Daddy has the anniversary off, so Dolly fills in and resolves her bequest issues.’” Call me a snowflake, however I can’t cope with jokes (at atomic ones which are at all graphic) approximately asleep kids. I could never acquire fashioned for National Lampoon.
‘You’re Invited’ podcast Adventure 2: Chris Doyle tells how he does it
Did you bolt aftermost week’s optimum adventure of the podcast approximately The Style Invitational? Host Mike Gips interviews me for bisected an hour. It’s lots of a laugh. But WAY bigger is Adventure 2 of “You’re Invited,” which dropped, as we attempting-to-be-present day codgers say, this carried out Tuesday. And that’s because Mike spends the done journey speaking with the Invite’s fine recounted Loser by using a long way, Chris Doyle — Chris Doyle of the 2,244 blots of Invite ink, such as a antic 59 first-location wins.
In an agreeable articulation that also betrays a piece of his New England roots, Chris touches on a array of capacity and dish, a number of what turned into account to me:
— I knew that Chris had been a mainstay the New York Magazine Competition, the afflatus for the Invite, till that mission bankrupt in 2000 and he started coming into the Invitational in earnest. I did now not apperceive that he’d gotten alike delivered ink in that mission than he has in the Invite! And accustomed that NY Mag had a one-entry-in step with-contest absolute … nicely, he explains to Mike how he fabricated that paintings. I additionally didn’t apperceive that the competition’s backward editor, Mary Ann Madden, had requested Chris to booty it over. (Fortunately for us, he declined.)
— Are you accepting your entries calm for Anniversary 1400, our filly names contest? Chris tells how he is taking on the ponies each 12 months. (Systematically.)
— Chris, who’s been retired for abounding years and now lives in the Dallas place, reflects on his absolute agreeable tastes, axiomatic in his Invite parodies alignment from antique-timey tunes to united states of america ballads to Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok.”
— He tells approximately his two abiding spherical-the-international voyages along with his spouse, during which he’d boost up in his Invitational entries from whichever anchorage boondocks might gather some Internet bistro at some stage in the aboriginal canicule of Ye Olde Information Superhighway. And the time aback they had been on a undergo amid the islands of New Zealand, and it turned into foggy, and that week’s Invite requested you to use a buzz e book …
— He offers his Secret to Lots of Ink. It does not absorb bribes. Usually.
Chris is so lively in his account with Mike, so considerable brought than I turned into. And Mike himself maintains to ask affable questions that collect the chat flowing. He moreover reads his in demand entries from the performed week’s contest, which aftermost anniversary have been the “ha-”- chat limericks. (Gary Crockett, adapt to blush.)
What you So, so potential you ink: This week’s antic haiku assignment
This week’s contest, Anniversary 1401, was suitable by using Longtime Loser (and aftermost week’s winner) Melissa Balmain, who’d aloof appear a haiku by way of L.A. Ball biographer Paul Lander as a present day “Poem of the Week” from Light, the online balladry account she edits. She mixture it to the Style Invitational Devotees Facebook group, commenting, “Possible antibody of an Invite concept?” Dang, it’s the done bundle. Paul’s “How Hot Is It?” haiku — “It is so hot that/ my iPhone now qualifies/ as a Baked Apple” — became the archetype for the competition, thereby giving Paul his aboriginal blemish of Invite ink in a challenge that, till bygone aback I contacted him, he didn’t apperceive existed.
I become due to the fact addition the ambit of the assignment to any crack antic healthy into haiku shape, however afresh sufficient that great any of the entries that we’ve run in our abundant haiku contests over time may be termed jokes. So we’re hobby with the “X is so Y” type.
Yes, you may alter the wording. As continued as we accumulate the “so” concept, we’re desirable.
We’ve had finished “so” antic contests through the years, 24 years apart. One of them was one of the Invitational’s real aboriginal contests: Anniversary 21 in 1993. Here are the consequences, alpha with the Czar rolling his eyes at a few antique chestnuts that were submitted forth with the beginning stuff. Then, as now, cutting-edge leisure was a perfect manner to get ink. Of course, fine of these run brought than 17 syllables, however you can’t reclaim those jokes anyway.
Report from Anniversary 21, in which you have been requested to name things through So-So contrast. “Ross Perot is so unusual, it’s said that aback he turned into integrated they threw abroad the babyish and aloft the placenta.” A baroque comic story, aback it was aboriginal activated to Tiny Tim in 1968. And: “George Burns is so old that aback he turned into constructed-in the Asleep Sea became aloof sick.” This was firstly said approximately George Bernard Shaw, who died in 1950. Fair warning: In the destiny, in case you serve us chestnuts, we can buzz you.
Fifth Runner-Up: Donald Trump is so stressful that Amnesty International desires him baffled and sure up. (Tom Gearty, Washington)
Fourth Runner-Up: D.C. Streets are so abominably maintained they collect delivered potholes than Jerry Garcia’s couch. (Robin D. Grove, Washington)
Third Runner-Up: The Mississippi River has been so aggressive, it’s far now reality alleged the Msissippi. (Pai Rosenthal, Sterling)
Second Runner-Up: Joe McGinniss is so aboriginal he deserves to win the Style Invitational, Ted Kennedy anticipation to himself. (Tom Jedele, Laurel) [This was a dig at the author’s abominable 1993 book about the senator, which included lots of presumable mind-reading.]
First Runner-Up: Bill Clinton has acquired so ample weight that I-495 has been renamed the Sansabeltway. (Paul Sabourin, Greenbelt) [Sabourin went on to become bisected of the cult-favorite ball song duo Paul and Storm]
And the champ of the Mortimer Snerd Ventriloquist’s Dummy: Jack Kent Cooke is so belligerent that I’m no longer activity to accomplishment this idea. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge) [Cooke was the buyer of what’s now alleged the Washington Football Team; I don’t bethink what this access ability be alluding to in particular, but in 1993 he was activity through annulment action as able-bodied as aggravating to bill the accompaniment of Virginia millions for his efforts in aggravating to get the aggregation confused there from Washington; it eventually concluded up in Maryland in what was initially alleged Jack Kent Cooke Stadium.]
The White House dealers is so adolescent that the quality general catechism on Air Force One is, “Are we there yet?” (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
The White House retailers is so adolescent they accumulate to address home aback they go to Camp David. (Paul B. Jacoby, Washington)
The White House marketers is so amateur that it has never “been” with addition personnel. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
Spike Lee is so atrocious for a crossover hit that he’s filming “Dennis the Menace II Society.” (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Saddam Hussein is so affronted he’ll collect to canyon an belief analysis to get into Hell. (Leonard Osterman, Potomac)
Mayor Kelly is so acute to animal aggravation that she refuses to accumulate mail addressed to “The Hon. Sharon Pratt Kelly” because she isn’t any one’s “hon.” (Carol V. Strachan, Silver Spring)
Washington streets acquire so abounding potholes, it’s like energetic over a giant, bare Whack-a-Mole game. (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)
Don King has so considerable changeless in his hair, he electrocutes every body who accord him a noogie. (Audrey Kovalak, Springfield)
The White House is so abounding of Arkansans they’re acid bow-formed moons in the lavatory doors. (Forrest L. Miller, Rockville)
Ross Perot is so batty his theories are laughed at by Oliver Stone. (Paul Sabourin, Greenbelt)
[Maryland] Gov. Schaefer is so petty that he had “43” corrective on his limo. (Greg Griswold, Falls Church) [I’m a weensy bit afraid that the Bronx-born Czar got this reference.]
The Haft ancestors is so abortive that Herbert awash the ancestors timberline to Crown Books for pulp. (Christopher P. Nicholson, Arlington) [The actual affluent and baroque Haft family, whose assorted associates endemic D.C.’s Dart Drug and Crown Books, were consistently warring.]
Dan Quayle is so dumb. (Chris Rooney, Reston)
And Last: The Style Invitational is so customary that the abutting Supreme Court amends may be alleged on the bottom of “humor and originality.” (Al Toner, Arlington)
And Least: The Style Invitational is so funny I forgot to giggle. (Tony Buckley, Washington)
And a quarter-century afterwards (less than months afterwards the commencement of you-recognise-who) …
AND ‘SO’ WIT WAS WRITTEN: REPORT FROM WEEK 1215
In Anniversary 1215 the Empress approved one-liners of the anatomy “X is so Y that …” Already once more, she didn’t acquaint the Loser Community to bung gibes at our president, but already again, the ones are what on the whole had been slung, big league. Perhaps a dozen entries supplied that Trump is so blowhard that he anticipation the tune changed into approximately him.
4th place: The Trump White House is so brazen, it’s alms adopted donors a night within the Putin Bedroom. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
third area: My acquaintance from Weight Watchers is so competitive that she continuously behindhand what I’m halving. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
2d domicile and the toilet-formed mug: Donald Trump’s easily are so tiny, the girls he grabs don’t alike note. (Brian Allgar, Paris)
And the champ of the Inkin’ Memorial: My chiropractor is so unscrupulous, he accuse Paul Ryan the aforementioned amount as our bodies who acquire backbones. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)
So near, yet thus far: atonement mentions
“The Bachelor” is so constant, it care to be alleged “The Gelding.” (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
Kellyanne Conway’s been so quiet afresh that Richard Simmons is allurement what’s took place to her. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
President Trump’s bark accessory is so unusual, annihilation rhymes with it. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
John McCain is the sort of formidable, unbiased-thinking maverick, he complains about Trump’s nominees afore balloting for them. (Duncan Stevens)
Political definiteness has gotten so out of ascendancy that the aftermost time I ordered French acknowledgment at a diner, a millennial on the abutting desk jumped up and began screaming, “Cultural appropriation! Cultural appropriation!” (Tom Witte, Sir Bernard Law Village, Md.)
Donald Trump is so terrific. #totallyriggedStyleInvitationalclaimsIbroketherules #aftereverythingIvedoneforthePost #suchanastyempress (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)
The navy become so huge at Trump’s graduation that the Park Badge recommended ambience up a additional Porta-John. (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)
Kim Jong Un is so batty that his aliment beaker has a aliment taster. (John O’Byrne, Dublin)
America’s lawyers collect been accepting so ample adulation for his or her advice affronted the clearing ban, cabbies are giving them chargeless rides to hunt ambulances. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
Mitch McConnell is the sort of abrogating man that his bobblehead all-overs its arch no. (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.)
The insult become so atomic that alike @realDonaldTrump wouldn’t well known to it. (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)
The cine was so abominable that anybody within the amphitheater chock-complete texting to watch in disbelief. (Hildy Zampella)
Trump is so out of form, he receives annoyed in conversations with adopted admiral aloof acute their buttons. (Dan Helming, Maplewood, N.J.)
Donald Trump is so adventuresome he requested Kim Jong Un to aces him up at the airport. (David Kleinbard, Mamaroneck, N.Y.)
Canadians are so affronted about Trump’s biking ban, they’re allurement affably that it be repealed. (Mark Raffman)
Donald Trump is such an inept fascist, he can’t alike accomplish Metro run on time. (Mark Raffman)
The Old Woman within the Shoe had so abounding kids, she needed to apprentice to multi-tsk. (Chris Doyle)
President Trump is so self-absorbed, he thinks the chat “meme” has syllables. (Jesse Frankovich)
Chuck Norris is so hard, his battery attic is broadcast with Legos. (Chris Doyle)
The Democrats collect been so shut out of the administering procedure, they’re autograph belletrist to their congressmen. (Dan Helming)
The suspect’s rap area changed into so persisted that the badge needed to book it at the aback of a CVS receipt. (Hildy Zampella)
Kids are so chintzy those canicule that abundance continually appetite me to pay them aback whenever I borrow a brace hundred bucks for beer and cigarettes. (Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.)
Facebook is so attenuated with political animadversion that my accompany who voted for Trump and RUINED OUR COUNTRY (HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY NOW) don’t alike pay absorption to my posts anymore. (Mark Raffman)
Donald Trump’s easily are so ample that his bark has to amplitude truly attenuate to awning them. (Steve Glomb, Alexandria, Va.)
Betty White is so old that aback she says she noticed “Hamilton,” she saw Hamilton. (Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.)
Your Mama’s been acclimated so abundant that alike this mission doesn’t appetite to blow her. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Keira Knightley is so skinny, she ought to canyon as Monday’s Washington Post. (Kevin Dopart)
The Style Invitational’s readership is constructed from bodies so captious that they’ve already mentally adapted the aboriginal allotment of this e book to “composed of.” (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
And Last: The Empress is so cold that she reads entries with a blinder on. (Kel Nagel, Salisbury, Md.)