7 Letter O Coloring Sheet
Every anniversary for the sixteen half of years I’ve been Empress, I booty the man without any consideration. What a treasure.
And yes, yes, dears, you’re all treasures too. Having an abnormally treasury month, Rob Cohen has now won his 1/3 and fourth Invite contests within the amplitude of 3 weeks. His abstraction of a band of troubled our bodies pond to the arid island — “Trump received!” — became Bob’s acid favourite; he alleged it “exceptional” and stated it certainly could be a New Yorker cool animated film. The win additional an atonement acknowledgment this week, the “Mt. Everest” assurance on the island, accord him ninety blots of ink all-time.
Second dwelling house is going to Mike Gips and his GPS within the desert, advising, “In 375 miles, clamber proper.” There had been added Waze jokes, however “move slowly proper” became the key. This and a antic approximately an eye-rolling Empress brings his ink sure to 270 aback Mike began Inviting aback in 2003. (See underneath approximately his new Style Invitational podcast, “You’re Invited.”) Meteoric Rookie Steve Smith takes 0.33 with his Covid-Sensitive Dracula-at-the-bar comic story, at the same time as Greg Dobbins takes fourth with the barkeep allurement Putin to “name your poison.” (Bob didn’t appetite to draw Putin because he didn’t appetite to lodge to heavy-surpassed labeling to accomplish it vivid who he changed into.)
(Did you apperceive that Bob sells his Invitational sketches and performed artwork? He has a suitable folio on his website for Invite bodies to acquaintance him and adjustment a cartoon: bobstaake.Com/si . They’re continually in black-and-white because he does the arrival in his age-old version of Photoshop.)
What Doug dug: Ace Copy Editor Doug Norwood tells me he abnormally loved this week’s contest, and who am I to agnosticism him? For faves he singled out the runner-up by using Greg Dobbins’s Putin shaggy dog story, forth with Jeff Shirley’s guy at the island bawl because the “How to Tango” book abrasion up on the seashore; Robyn Carlson’s priest advancing into the bar and adage “Just already I capital to airing in by myself”; the analyst diagnosing the rabbi, priest and minister, all sitting on the couch, as actuality inside the amiss animation (similar entries by using Jeff Shirley and Jon Gearhart); and Mike Gips’s animation with the Empress because the therapist advising a man in a dunce cap.
Beggaring description: An unprintable: Here’s one which others capability adulation but I couldn’t, from Kevin Dopart for the arid setting: “Draw a Ancestors Circus apology of Billy’s abnormality abject aisle — this time with a Billy skeleton on the end of the direction’. Caption: ‘Daddy has the anniversary off, so Dolly fills in and resolves her bequest problems.’” Call me a snowflake, but I can’t deal with jokes (at atomic ones which are at all picture) approximately asleep children. I may want to by no means gather fashioned for National Lampoon.
‘You’re Invited’ podcast Adventure 2: Chris Doyle tells how he does it
Did you bolt aftermost week’s most suitable journey of the podcast about The Style Invitational? Host Mike Gips interviews me for bisected an hour. It’s plenty of fun. But WAY larger is Adventure 2 of “You’re Invited,” which dropped, as we trying-to-be-modern-day codgers say, this performed Tuesday. And that’s because Mike spends the done adventure talking with the Invite’s excellent recounted Loser by means of some distance, Chris Doyle — Chris Doyle of the 2,244 blots of Invite ink, which include a antic fifty nine first-place wins.
In an agreeable articulation that also betrays a bit of his New England roots, Chris touches on a array of potential and dish, a number of what become account to me:
— I knew that Chris have been a mainstay the New York Magazine Competition, the afflatus for the Invite, till that assignment bankrupt in 2000 and he started out getting into the Invitational in earnest. I did no longer apperceive that he’d gotten alike delivered ink in that project than he has inside the Invite! And accustomed that NY Mag had a one-entry-in line with-contest absolute … well, he explains to Mike how he fabricated that paintings. I additionally didn’t apperceive that the competition’s backward editor, Mary Ann Madden, had asked Chris to booty it over. (Fortunately for us, he declined.)
— Are you accepting your entries calm for Anniversary 1400, our filly names contest? Chris tells how he is taking on the ponies each 12 months. (Systematically.)
— Chris, who’s been retired for abounding years and now lives inside the Dallas place, reflects on his absolute agreeable tastes, axiomatic in his Invite parodies alignment from vintage-timey tunes to usa ballads to Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok.”
— He tells approximately his two abiding round-the-international voyages along with his wife, all through which he’d boost up in his Invitational entries from whichever anchorage boondocks might collect some Internet bistro all through the aboriginal canicule of Ye Olde Information Superhighway. And the time aback they have been on a endure amid the islands of New Zealand, and it changed into foggy, and that week’s Invite asked you to apply a buzz e book …
— He gives his Secret to Lots of Ink. It does now not take in bribes. Usually.
Chris is so lively in his account with Mike, so considerable delivered than I changed into. And Mike himself maintains to ask affable questions that acquire the chat flowing. He moreover reads his prominent entries from the executed week’s contest, which aftermost anniversary had been the “ha-”- chat limericks. (Gary Crockett, adapt to blush.)
What you So, so ability you ink: This week’s antic haiku project
This week’s contest, Anniversary 1401, became suitable by using Longtime Loser (and aftermost week’s winner) Melissa Balmain, who’d aloof appear a haiku by means of L.A. Ball biographer Paul Lander as a contemporary “Poem of the Week” from Light, the net balladry account she edits. She combination it to the Style Invitational Devotees Facebook institution, commenting, “Possible antibody of an Invite concept?” Dang, it’s the performed bundle. Paul’s “How Hot Is It?” haiku — “It is so warm that/ my iPhone now qualifies/ as a Baked Apple” — have become the archetype for the competition, thereby giving Paul his aboriginal blemish of Invite ink in a venture that, until bygone aback I contacted him, he didn’t apperceive existed.
I turned into because addition the ambit of the venture to any crack antic fit into haiku form, however afresh adequate that quality any of the entries that we’ve run in our plentiful haiku contests over the years can be termed jokes. So we’re interest with the “X is so Y” kind.
Yes, you could adjust the wording. As persevered as we gather the “so” concept, we’re top.
We’ve had two carried out “so” antic contests over the years, 24 years aside. One of them become one of the Invitational’s real aboriginal contests: Anniversary 21 in 1993. Here are the effects, alpha with the Czar rolling his eyes at a few old chestnuts that have been submitted forth with the start stuff. Then, as now, present day leisure changed into a acceptable manner to get ink. Of course, quality of these run added than 17 syllables, however you may’t reclaim these jokes anyway.
Report from Anniversary 21, in which you have been asked to name matters thru So-So assessment. “Ross Perot is so uncommon, it’s stated that aback he changed into integrated they threw abroad the babyish and aloft the placenta.” A baroque comic story, aback it became aboriginal activated to Tiny Tim in 1968. And: “George Burns is so old that aback he became constructed-in the Asleep Sea changed into aloof unwell.” This was originally said about George Bernard Shaw, who died in 1950. Fair caution: In the destiny, in case you serve us chestnuts, we can buzz you.
Fifth Runner-Up: Donald Trump is so demanding that Amnesty International wishes him baffled and bound up. (Tom Gearty, Washington)
Fourth Runner-Up: D.C. Streets are so abominably maintained they collect added potholes than Jerry Garcia’s sofa. (Robin D. Grove, Washington)
Third Runner-Up: The Mississippi River has been so aggressive, it’s miles now actuality alleged the Msissippi. (Pai Rosenthal, Sterling)
Second Runner-Up: Joe McGinniss is so aboriginal he deserves to win the Style Invitational, Ted Kennedy anticipation to himself. (Tom Jedele, Laurel) [This was a dig at the author’s abominable 1993 book about the senator, which included lots of presumable mind-reading.]
First Runner-Up: Bill Clinton has obtained so plentiful weight that I-495 has been renamed the Sansabeltway. (Paul Sabourin, Greenbelt) [Sabourin went on to become bisected of the cult-favorite ball song duo Paul and Storm]
And the champ of the Mortimer Snerd Ventriloquist’s Dummy: Jack Kent Cooke is so belligerent that I’m now not interest to accomplishment this notion. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge) [Cooke was the buyer of what’s now alleged the Washington Football Team; I don’t bethink what this access ability be alluding to in particular, but in 1993 he was activity through annulment action as able-bodied as aggravating to bill the accompaniment of Virginia millions for his efforts in aggravating to get the aggregation confused there from Washington; it eventually concluded up in Maryland in what was initially alleged Jack Kent Cooke Stadium.]
The White House agents is so adolescent that the first-rate universal catechism on Air Force One is, “Are we there yet?” (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
The White House agents is so adolescent they accumulate to deal with domestic aback they go to Camp David. (Paul B. Jacoby, Washington)
The White House agents is so novice that it has in no way “been” with addition body of workers. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
Spike Lee is so atrocious for a crossover hit that he’s filming “Dennis the Menace II Society.” (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Saddam Hussein is so affronted he’ll acquire to canyon an notion analysis to get into Hell. (Leonard Osterman, Potomac)
Mayor Kelly is so acute to animal aggravation that she refuses to gather mail addressed to “The Hon. Sharon Pratt Kelly” because she isn’t any one’s “hon.” (Carol V. Strachan, Silver Spring)
Washington streets gather so abounding potholes, it’s like lively over a large, bare Whack-a-Mole recreation. (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)
Don King has so ample changeless in his hair, he electrocutes everybody who accord him a noogie. (Audrey Kovalak, Springfield)
The White House is so abounding of Arkansans they may be acid bow-shaped moons inside the rest room doorways. (Forrest L. Miller, Rockville)
Ross Perot is so batty his theories are laughed at by Oliver Stone. (Paul Sabourin, Greenbelt)
[Maryland] Gov. Schaefer is so petty that he had “forty three” corrective on his limo. (Greg Griswold, Falls Church) [I’m a weensy bit afraid that the Bronx-born Czar got this reference.]
The Haft ancestors is so abortive that Herbert awash the ancestors timberline to Crown Books for pulp. (Christopher P. Nicholson, Arlington) [The actual affluent and baroque Haft family, whose assorted associates endemic D.C.’s Dart Drug and Crown Books, were consistently warring.]
Dan Quayle is so dumb. (Chris Rooney, Reston)
And Last: The Style Invitational is so standard that the abutting Supreme Court amends could be alleged on the bottom of “humor and originality.” (Al Toner, Arlington)
And Least: The Style Invitational is so humorous I forgot to chuckle. (Tony Buckley, Washington)
And a quarter-century afterwards (less than two months afterwards the graduation of you-recognise-who) …
AND ‘SO’ WIT WAS WRITTEN: REPORT FROM WEEK 1215
In Anniversary 1215 the Empress authorised one-liners of the anatomy “X is so Y that …” Already once more, she didn’t acquaint the Loser Community to bung gibes at our president, but already again, those are what in general were slung, large league. Perhaps a dozen entries presented that Trump is so blowhard that he anticipation the song become approximately him.
4th vicinity: The Trump White House is so brazen, it’s alms adopted donors a night inside the Putin Bedroom. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
3rd place: My acquaintance from Weight Watchers is so aggressive that she continuously behindhand what I’m halving. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
2nd abode and the rest room-fashioned mug: Donald Trump’s easily are so tiny, the women he grabs don’t alike observe. (Brian Allgar, Paris)
And the champ of the Inkin’ Memorial: My chiropractor is so unscrupulous, he accuse Paul Ryan the aforementioned amount as bodies who accumulate backbones. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)
So near, yet to this point: atonement mentions
“The Bachelor” is so fixed, it care to be alleged “The Gelding.” (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
Kellyanne Conway’s been so quiet afresh that Richard Simmons is allurement what’s came about to her. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
President Trump’s bark accessory is so unusual, annihilation rhymes with it. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
John McCain is this type of bold, impartial-questioning maverick, he complains approximately Trump’s nominees afore balloting for them. (Duncan Stevens)
Political definiteness has gotten so out of ascendancy that the aftermost time I ordered French acknowledgment at a diner, a millennial at the abutting table jumped up and commenced screaming, “Cultural appropriation! Cultural appropriation!” (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Donald Trump is so extraordinary. #totallyriggedStyleInvitationalclaimsIbroketherules #aftereverythingIvedoneforthePost #suchanastyempress (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)
The army was so big at Trump’s graduation that the Park Badge suggested ambience up a extra Porta-John. (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.)
Kim Jong Un is so batty that his aliment beaker has a aliment taster. (John O’Byrne, Dublin)
America’s legal professionals gather been accepting so ample adulation for his or her advice affronted the clearing ban, cabbies are giving them chargeless rides to seek ambulances. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
Mitch McConnell is this sort of abrogating man that his bobblehead all-overs its arch no. (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.)
The insult was so atomic that alike @realDonaldTrump wouldn’t well known to it. (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)
The cine changed into so abominable that every person within the amphitheater chock-complete texting to look at in disbelief. (Hildy Zampella)
Trump is so out of form, he receives annoyed in conversations with adopted admiral aloof acute their buttons. (Dan Helming, Maplewood, N.J.)
Donald Trump is so adventuresome he asked Kim Jong Un to aces him up at the airport. (David Kleinbard, Mamaroneck, N.Y.)
Canadians are so affronted about Trump’s cycling ban, they may be allurement affably that it be repealed. (Mark Raffman)
Donald Trump is such an inept fascist, he can’t alike accomplish Metro run on time. (Mark Raffman)
The Old Woman in the Shoe had so abounding kids, she needed to apprentice to multi-tsk. (Chris Doyle)
President Trump is so self-absorbed, he thinks the chat “meme” has two syllables. (Jesse Frankovich)
Chuck Norris is so difficult, his battery attic is broadcast with Legos. (Chris Doyle)
The Democrats gather been so close out of the administering technique, they’re autograph belletrist to their congressmen. (Dan Helming)
The suspect’s rap vicinity turned into so persisted that the badge needed to e-book it on the aback of a CVS receipt. (Hildy Zampella)
Kids are so chintzy these canicule that abundance consistently appetite me to pay them aback whenever I borrow a brace hundred bucks for beer and cigarettes. (Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.)
Facebook is so attenuated with political animadversion that my accompany who voted for Trump and RUINED OUR COUNTRY (HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY NOW) don’t alike pay absorption to my posts anymore. (Mark Raffman)
Donald Trump’s without problems are so adequate that his bark has to amplitude truly attenuate to awning them. (Steve Glomb, Alexandria, Va.)
Betty White is so old that aback she says she noticed “Hamilton,” she saw Hamilton. (Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.)
Your Mama’s been acclimated so considerable that alike this venture doesn’t appetite to blow her. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Keira Knightley is so skinny, she ought to canyon as Monday’s Washington Post. (Kevin Dopart)
The Style Invitational’s readership is constituted of our bodies so captious that they’ve already mentally adapted the aboriginal allotment of this book to “composed of.” (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
And Last: The Empress is so cold that she reads entries with a blinder on. (Kel Nagel, Salisbury, Md.)